There is no better time than right now to be happy.Happiness is a journey, not a destination.So work like you don't need money,Love like you've never been hurt,And, dance like no one's watching.
Ok I did not do that good yesterday with Calories, a friend of mine said that was starving myself...I thought it was pretty good, I ate a rice cake (50 calories ) for breakfast, half a Lean pocket for lunch (120 calories ) umm I had a Natures Own bar (140 calories ) and I had a broccoli (steamed) Meal that was 100 calories..Total of 510 calories, I thought it was more but I guess after I sat down and figured it, it was different well, I will have to do better today...Last night on our way to get michael some "krystals" (LOLOL to myself) I dont remember what I said but his response was if you don't like it divorce me! WOW I was like OK, so you want a divorce ( I was saying to my self humm ok this could be a good conversation ) so he said whatever you want, I got real serious and said well, I think that things have not been good for two years, we went from fighting consently to just not talking, needless to say he did not speak to me 90% of the night, after the conversation, I turned the radio up and just...sang like it was nothing. I am not sure how he expects me to feel but if he is waiting on me to beg him to stay, well its not going to happen...I am not interested in the marriage anymore ~ I am tired of being hurt and the feel of being used. I want someone who will support me in my decisions and who will love me, he dont do either so why keep it up...it is only prolonging what is going to happen anyway...Marriage takes work AND two people willing to do that, I loved this man with my heart and sould and BEGGED him to love me, I can remember many night I cried myself to sleep only to wake up craying because of things he'd said to me to hurt me or something he done. Its just not a good sitaution and I feel like I am in a struggle to make someone love me..I think he is there "Just because" I truly feel he knows the marriage is over & has been for sometime.
I had so much hurt and disappointment in my life, I am not sure why I felt that this would be an exception..from day 1, I knew that I was not number 1 in his life. He has never showed me a side of him that proved to me his love..My hurt aches & some days I feel I am dying inside, I long for someone that will love me just as I am...even if they dont agree with my decisions in life. Its a Hard situation to deal with but, I know I will be fine, I have made it through worse storms. Being sexully abused from as far back as I can remember until I was about 9 - I went through 10 years of hell (something I chose not to share) and this I CAN and do...
Dieting gives me a start, to some a Diet is just that, to me its a life change, its the start of a new me...a me that is strong and knows that I can achieve whatever I want to in life. I know there are many test...BUT, I am ready "Bring on the rain"
1 comment:
I completely understand where you are coming from with the diet is a new beginning. I felt that way too......like even with all of the stuff in my life that was spinning out of control, I could control something. Hold on to that.....not only will it give you purpose and determination but you will gain such self worth and respect from that! You are right, you deserve great things and you WILL have them! Don't ever doubt your greatness - you are destined for GREAT things!
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