Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Today is Cold

Well Thats where I slept last night, I wrote a 4 page letter and poured out my heart and he acted like I didn't even write a letter, he got up - left again and of course I have not seen him. I know that I have made the decision to ignore the fact that he is treating me this way and move on, Thats all I know to do. I slept on the couch and cried myself to sleep. He slept in the bed comfortable knowing that I was hurt and done nothing except get up and leave when the morning come. I just dont know what to do anymore. Yesterday was NOT a good day for me and my diet reflected that! when he got here I left, and got me something to eat - yeah when I say something to eat I mean a steamed ham & cheese with a mt dew to drink and then came back and ate Ice cream. I was just so very depressed and miserable that I couldnt stop myself. It was like I said screw it.
Today has been a different story, I left and got a few things done. I was content until I walked in the house. I just feel such an emptness beyong belief. When I am home I start getting depressed and start thinking about what a screwed up situation I have ended up in. I just feel I deserve more then that..I guess he dont feel that way. I guess he feels I deserve to be treated as if I am a No body..This is so frustrating..I feel like I have no one that cares whats going on..The truth is I have not been happy in a very long time, I hang on because I feel so alone and forgotten, I wanna walk away more then anything, I am just scared..maybe of being alone..I am not sure I just know I am having a hard time dealing with it.
Food, I think is... comfort..I use it as a tool I know thats the wrong thing but thats the truth..

Today is cold