Monday, September 29, 2008

Good morning so far

Good Morning world I guess, I woke up, I feel ok jus kinda blank but I am fine..I woke VERY hungry, Of course I ate the WRONG thing..But I ate a VERY smal portion and I know that part of my problem was portion control. Anyway I ate about 5 crackers and I am now fine..Michael of course left to be with his grandmother and I am left at the house all day with nothing to do..To be honest I kinda like it today..I needed the time. I was thinking that maybe I will eat subway today...Not sure yet

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Readin up..

When I was 207 pounds and I started this journey I use to read everyones elses blogs and somehow it helped me..I have missed out on so much..I went to several tonight just reading up on everyone and wow everyones still around for the most was fun to spend a couple hours reading about everyone elses life..I am excited to get my diet back on track..

Talk to an old friend tonight wow, it was wild to hear her voice but it was good o know shes doing good. I have missed talking to her..we talked for a long time but it doubtfull I will ever hear from her again..was nice to have someone listen for a minute..
although I am in the house with my husband I feel so alone...I tried talking to him tonight about a job situation but he completely ingored me..kinda like I wasn't even in the room... Its sooo frustrating to deal with that but I will move and and be ok...anyway Guess I will go on My Space and then off to bed

Loney Day

well I tell you one thing I am so sick of feeling used..I stay so very lonely and at times its unbarable. I am married and although I love him, I know he is not with me for "Love" he uses me and I know that he is just not in love with matter what I refuse to force myself on him so I just go about my way and pretend all is hard as that is..I do it..I wish he could see that he is hurting me..and I know even if he did know..he wouldnt even care..He is very cold and has so much anger..
enough about that..My diet..I guess I have done Ok however, when I went over to my mother in laws and got on her scales I noticed it was in the same spot as last week..I would have thought I lost at least a couple pounds but..Ohh well I only can do so much..I mean I am eating right..of course I have my days...just like anyone else struggling with food issues..but for the most part I know I want it bad enough and will do what it takes to make it happen.
I cleaned house today until my back feels really bad..I think alot has to do with the amount of stress I am under...I am jobless, with a man that does not love me & I am not happy with my body as far as weight, hair looksin general...OMG I guess I am rambling bout the same crap...I guess I just never seen my life this way..I have the will power to make things happen..yet there not and I just dont know where I am going wrong...I guess I will jump in the shower and ponder on tha...

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Hard to believe

wow, Its so hard to believe that Its september and I am much has happened and I came so far then somewhere along the way I lost my way again..It seems to happen that way. I am amazed at how fast situation come and go in my life. I look back and realize the things that mattered most then just seem to disappear and I have new things that have my attention. One thing I done was lost focus..I forgot who I was fighting for, me! as much as I wish I could say things are better..well I cant because that would be a lie..I did however loose weight, not near what I want to lose but I lost some...It dont feel like it because I would look at myself in disbelief..I was hugeee but..I was taking some pictures just the other day and wow..I really dont look that bad But, I'm in no way healthy so I am back on the good ole been here..Its much harder now because I am not working and the stress level is up but I done it before I Know I can do it again...its just a matter of believing in myself..Hopefully I will get my journal updated...I now have my computer back at home which will make it much easier...