Friday, November 30, 2007

Bad Morning

wow I have felt really bad this morning, I had a long day yesterday, a LONG MISERABLE morning!! just so much going on and I just feel really stressed out..not sure why or whats going on, well I guess I do know just would rather no share right now...anyway I have kept a headache all day long wow its crazy... I did eat lunch really earily, I ate steamed veggies and some grilled chicken, I feel ike I am going to turn into a chicken as much as I have ate...lolwell I better get off here because I have some work that needs attention...

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ok So I messed up a bit...

Ok so after work yesterday, which was already late I had an apppointment, then I had to go to the Mother inlaws for Dinner, well of course they didn't have anything healthy soo I ended up eating really late and NOT what I should have, yesterday at lunch I only had a chicken (Grilled and cut up ) and I snacked on a serving of raisins and some curves cerial......I just didn't have time to eat, I find that as the holidays are approching, it is becoming harder to eat "right" but I will not allow it to take from me what I want so badly...Michael wasn't as bad last night as normal, I can tell that he is extremly worried about his Grandmother who si going into surgry at 12:30 today, He mentioned staying at the hospital with her which he needs to do I think...but who knows if he will...
This morning I stopped my Mcdonalds and decided to have a fruit & Yogert cup & a Decaf with two creams ( Yeah I Know, the cream is bad for me ) I also brought a Fiber one bar for a snack and My fiber choice meds to aid is my hunger pains...
I am kind of feeling thisng will change soon, not sure what the change will be but, I feel it coming on....

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Trying to focus....

Are You Losing At Least One Pound Per Week?
By Ian Robertson, Managing Editor PhenForum Daily and the Weight Loss Club
Are you losing at least one pound per week? If diet and exercise are made priorities then it should be completely feasible to lose at least a pound per week.
It needs to be understood that a pound of bodyfat contains roughly 3500 calories and if one removes 500 excess calories a day then at least one pound will be lost until a goal weight is achieved. This doesn’t take regular exercise into consideration which means more weight can be lost.
As far as the diet is concerned, make sure you remove those 500 calories from superfluous food sources such as sodas which can be replaced with water or unsweetened tea. That’s easily 120-150 calories depending on the soda.
Instead of fries or chips, go with steamed vegetables instead. Vegetables and fruit are recommended for two reasons: Not only do they have fewer calories due to the water content but they contain considerably more vitamins and minerals than the unnecessary junk. The diet facet is certainly more challenging than exercise in terms of fighting off the calories.
While for most, exercise is the easier of the two, it is still a motivational challenge at times. Some days we are too busy, while other days simply leave us too tired. And while easier said than done, try not to fall into a rut like that.
One of the best aspects of exercise is that it can serve as one-stop shopping in terms of calorie reduction. For instance, an hour of jogging burns up to 900 calories! However, remember to use weights as well because building muscle is what boosts the metabolism in the long-term. Alone, an hour’s worth of weight training will burn 500 calories but the metabolic boost you get is unique only to resistance training.
Of course, one needs to remember to not only eat a nutritious protein and carbohydrate snack an hour after exercising but to eat enough calories throughout the day. Many, think starvation will lead to fat loss when exactly the opposite is true. The body must break down its own muscle tissue in an effort to maintain one’s metabolism since not enough calories are being eaten. When calories are lacking, body fat is hoarded and metabolisms are slowed down in order to conserve energy due to the fight-or-flight response.
Once a solid diet and exercise program has been established, removing 500 calories a day will become the healthy sidenote to an overall healthy lifestyle.
Ok so, I started the new meds today and some how I feel extremely different?? I thought this was a lower dosage but, not sure. Anyway, I have recieved so many letters of support that I am so greatful, Thanks you so much to all that wrote. I woke up Several times during the night because I was just so excited and hopeful that I might be a regular size again...It felt great to sit down with the DR and have him explain everything to me... I needed yesterday, and I am happy that I have the support of my online community, during Thanksgiving I never said I was thankful for anything, mainly because, I couldn't figure out anything ( besides the basics; Cloths, food, roof etc ) well, I now have found something - Friends...wow, I was telling my co worker I didn't realize there were so many people that cared about someone else life.
I read a great article this morning, of course I am sharing it....I was amazed that I had lost so much weight and didn't realize how important a good diet was, now I see...
At work myself and two of my co workers have been working on a project so I have been chit chatting for most of the morning, better check my mail....

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

OMGGGGGGGGGG I am HAPPY!!!!



OK I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! Ok I stressed all day for what???? for the DR to tell me what a wonderful job I have done and i was right on track, I LOST 14 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!! 14!!! OMG I am so happy, I called EVERYBODY I knew to call to tell them....Colette THANK YOU for all the incouraging words your the best!, I did sit and have a conversation with him about everything and he explain some things to me, he feels I am doing great and complented me SEVERAL times about how I was doing and he felt like I would be the one to make my goal weight I just can not believe it!!!! Wow, what a stress relief!!!! I am buying a friggin scale!!!!! Then I pigged out after I left lol, seriously I was so nervious I only ate 5 rice cakes and a salad at lunch! I was so nervious...I met a girl I chat with oneline tonight, and she was awsome and a great support type person I truely enjoyed talking to her, its noce to have a woman to talk to here, I have no friends with the exception of the online vertial kind!!!!! well i am off to bed been a long day

A Lil on the STRESSED side...

I am soo nerviou about my dr appontment I felt this CRAZY erage to EAT!!! OMG I haven't done that since I have been on my diet, well I done the right thing and brought RICECAKES, I never eat over 1 a day...BUT I have ate 4!!!! I thought its better to eat those then grab something else ya know...I don't even know why I am nervious, I just want to know what I have been doing is paying off... or is it pointless or what..Ya know...I am hoping to have lost at least ummm well I hope a lot but I know that wouldn't be healthy, I guess I am hoping for 6 pounds, thats not too much to ask...I have to talk to him about having the PCOS and see if that might have some kind of affect on my losing weight, upon research on it..I know that it slows down the weight loss process but I wonder how of if there is something I can do different... I told you I am worried, I have worried myself sick...LORDY anyway workkkkk Jenniferrr ok I got that out

Made a Mistake, TODAY is my WI

Ok I made a mistake..Today is my WI, I have to be there today at 5:30. I am a lil nervious and excited. I thought it was yesterday but either way I am excited.... I know I have lost or I would not be wearing this size! I am in ANOTHER pair of smaller jeans..I just thought it was the way the others were made BUT NOPE!!!! They fit perfectly..may be a lil tight but, I can deal with tight as long as I fit in them....YESSSSSSSSSSS I am sooooo excited...I am also wearing an Xlarge today...wow been a while since I could do that...I am thinking maybe this sweater is a Mens lol I just keep making excuses about how I could wear these things but the fact remains I am in them!! which is like wow wow wow!!!!
Yesterday I dont think I logged my food and I need to start doing that sooo Let me think...yesterday morning for breakfast or through out the day I munched on Curves Cerial, Lunch, I ate cottage Cheese & Pineapples and OHHHH I forgot this...I ate a Bag (Small) of Lays Lites which have Very lil calories, non from fat BUT SALTY!!! I did try them and I did not like the after tatse, it left a greasy feel on your tounge...ekkkkk Last night when I got in I put on some white beans and sausage in the crock pot (For my husband) & I fixed ham salad with left over ham, I won't lie as I was fixing it I ate about 4 bites and I swar I felt sooo guilty that I didnt eat anything but a rice cake after that!!!! I went to bed...I did drink plenty of water....

This morning when I woke I was starving and I am starving now...so i ate a rice cake before I left the house...well I better get busy... work calls lol...

Monday, November 26, 2007

Wow I Feel GREAT WI Today!!!!!

This morning has been Great Got up to get dressed and WOW I am wearing a 16!!! OMG I am soo excited...I go to the Dr later today and will know how much I have lost, I have a great feel about this...I have not done that wonderful over Thanksgiving, well I guess I have done good considering all the temptation I had around me...So we will see if it will all pay off in the end. For Breakfast this morning I ate a bowl of Dry Cerial ( Curves ) and have not drank any water yet but plan to in a few minutes. I have spent most of my morning pittling lol Chatting with people in the office that sort of thing, came in and did not have a whole lot to do. I am just so excited about this afternoon I dont know what to do...
I ask for a weight Watchers scale for Christmas but I want one now so I am thinking maybe I might go buy one this week so I can keep up with my progress... maybe weight every morning and see how that goes, I have always been against that because I always felt it was depressing but now that I am losing I might want to consider it. I am not sure yet.

I have a BUNCH of questions for my Dr and can't wait until I get off to go...I am thinking of maybe coming off the meds next month..see how it goes. Who Knows I might take off and lose LOTS of weight.... I may not look much smaller but boy I feel it..I mean I am so excited about the jeans!! Yeahhhhh Ok I better try to find some work lol

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Wow LONGGG weekend...

Ok So The weekend went better then planned, although I have not wrote that much its been a great weekend so far. Michael & I have spent some quality time togather, which was much needed time. Also I have been spending time with my Mother In Law, since she has a new man things have changed alot...For the better I would have to say...My WI Is tomarrow and I would say I am a bit nervious, I think I have lost some but, I am curious as to how much...I have not done that great as far as my meals and Have not been charting as I should...i did write one of my groups to find out about a weight watchers group, I found one at a local church but not sure if I have the time to put into it, I have so much going right now...


My Tree is up, I honestly did think I would have one this year but while michael and I were out shopping we ran into a great deal soooo i went for it, It makes the house a much "homey" Feel, Michael put the lights on it and done a Great job, I put the decorations on it..I like it pluse we have some new decorations that makes the house brighter...This is My Tree, and this is some of the bright decor and believe me there is so much more....I will make sure to catch up on my journaling tomarrow...

Saturday, November 24, 2007

OMGGGG I went shopping, SMALLER SIZE

I went shopping today and to my surprise I have lost weight, I dont know how much but I know some because I had to buy a smaller size!!! We took the Thanksgiving photos and wow, I could see it in my face..I have been so busy putting up my tree tonight and I was out shopping all day that I have not had a chance to write..I am soo tired, as for eating I have done OK, I mean like Lunch I had steamed green beans, Duck & water Dinner I had a chicken salad soo I have not done bad, I bought some healthy eating cook books today and plan to cook for family tomarrow I am going to try to make it healthy as possible so I can enjoy the meal gulit free...I have had an ok Day, really and I was with Michael...He helped me clean and even helped me with the Tree...I will post pictures soon...anyway I am soo excited that I feel like I have lost some, I will know in TWO days, for Chrismatmas I as for one of the weight watcher scales !!! Thats what i really want more then anything....well i better gooo

Friday, November 23, 2007

Work instead of Shop????

Ok I don't know why BUT, I could have had the day off BUT, I decided that I would come to work instead! Not sure why but, I just felt it was pointless to spend money when I could be making money, I just can not afford not to work, so I am here and believe me I am the ONLY one here....Got here at 7:55!!! (Work Day starts at 8:30) Anyway, woke up feeling really guilty about yesterday But I guess we have to move on huh...Today I got up and ate a rice cake for breakfast, went to the Bank and headed here. Thats about it for now will write again in a Bit...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thanksgiving night - Sharing Pictures

OK OK, I done REALLLYYY BADDD BUT, Its one day and Its a Holiday..:) Good excuse huh? Anyway I did only eat once which know is VERY bad and I did eat Very UNHEALTHY food, I do Feel extremly guilty but, It was all good food and I had a Blast wanted to share some Pictures Of my Thanksgiving Ok this was 1 OF 3 Tables!!! Yeah you heard me right LOL OMGGG My food has healthy stuff in it BUT My Mother In Laws WOW.... BADme & My Mother in Law...Wow My face looks like I have lost weight?? I think soo I know My hair was just BAD lol I had been cooking Most of the night, got BACK up at 6 and started cooking again..Some of us being Goofy BUT ignor e my brother in laws finger..sorry bought that I just thought it was a FUNNY picture..My Husband & His BrotherThis is My Lil one after Turkey :)

ThanksGIVING Day...



A THANKSGIVING POEM
TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP
I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS,
I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.
THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED -
THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION
WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT
TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.
SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.
GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.
I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,
'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING,
FLOATING INTO THE SKY
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING
AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.
BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES....
HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE
CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.
MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY,
MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY
HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY
OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING BE BLESSED!!
Ok It is FINALLY Here, I have cooked soo much food, I mean soooo much it almost makes me sick to look at it lol Last night I done OK, not well lol I did pick some :) anyway I at a nice dinner before starting, well it was good anyway, had a Market fresh turkey w/ lettace, tomato and turkey, No Mayo or anything :) I did :( have a slice of swiss on it BUT onlt ate half the sandwhich. Last night I did have to test my food for salt and stuff i am sure that costed me a few calories :) and I did SNEAK a Deviled egg :( But all in all I done well....
This morning I have not ate anything, I did try a bite of the Dressing just to see what it needed but I have not even had time to stop for a break to take my meds and get dressed, I plan to drink two bottles of water BEFORE lunch so that I am not as hungry :) I might even eat a rice cake as well...to try to feel up..Michael has been acting Fine, which I am glad of, Didn't want to deal with that Ya know LORD LOL Well I hope everyone is having a Great one and Healthy eating :) well Ok....Just enjoy your self, Theres always tomarrow :)
Happy Thanksgiving world :)

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Good Morning World...and Happy Day

Good Morning, Woke this morning feeling great, I am not sure why but I do...I think maybe because last night was an Ok night, I went to meet a lady about my bags ( I am selling Handbags ) she bout a few and then I decided it was time to eat, We decided on Shoneys and of course I done GREAT, I ate a salad with the Dark lettace as I call it was all HEALTHY veggies and No cheese, bread crumbs or anything, and I ate Fat free dressing...for the dinner part ate 1 serving of corn & 1 serving of Pinto Beans ( Just enought to get some protein) per Mickey, My Co-worker, I don't get enough, I went home, watched the Biggest loser ~ Wow I cried through it, it was an amazing journey that the girl that was voted off had been through, she was down to her goal weight of 137 and looked beautiful, while watching the show, Michael showed a heart ( Believe it or not lol ) He was like thats great, she looks really good...and even made the comment that I was losing weight already and if people like that could do it, so could I. I thought I was there with some one else and almost hit the floor when he said it! He even watched the whole show with me!! Wow anyway..It was great to see that people CAN do it with determation, I wish that I could work out and stuff like them but, Its hrad when you work full time, go to school and do Taxes seasonal...theres just not enough hours in the day...

After that, I was a little tired but Michael put in Hairspray the musical and I couldn't resit watching it until I fell asleep..Woke up feeling refreshed and OK believe it or not..I have not taken meds or anything until 9:00...I was reading up on ways to make Thanksgiving more enjoyable for people on a diet, I really do not want to blow this because I go to the DR. Monday to get weighed.. I am extremely worried about and and praying hard I lost some..

I am at work..so I better get to it, just wanted to check in

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I was tagged, answering questions

4 Dishes I like to cook and eat
1. Mac & Cheese bake
2. Bananna Pudding
3. Grilled Chicken
4 Turkey
Four qualities I love in people
1. HONESTY is #1
2. Outgoing
3. Shows Respect (To both themselves & others )
4. Caring Heart
Four Places I have been.
1. Massachusetts
2. Florida
3. Myrtle Beach, SC
4. Georgia
Four Things in My Bedroom
1. Tv
2. Dogs bed
3. Fan
4. Clock
Four dirty words I use
1. Sh*&
2. Da&^
3. He*$
4. A#@
Four Objects I will never part with
1. My Pictures
2. My Grandmothers quilt
3. Letters from my dad
3. all my certificates and awards

Bring on the rain...

There is no better time than right now to be happy.Happiness is a journey, not a destination.So work like you don't need money,Love like you've never been hurt,And, dance like no one's watching.
Ok I did not do that good yesterday with Calories, a friend of mine said that was starving myself...I thought it was pretty good, I ate a rice cake (50 calories ) for breakfast, half a Lean pocket for lunch (120 calories ) umm I had a Natures Own bar (140 calories ) and I had a broccoli (steamed) Meal that was 100 calories..Total of 510 calories, I thought it was more but I guess after I sat down and figured it, it was different well, I will have to do better today...

Last night on our way to get michael some "krystals" (LOLOL to myself) I dont remember what I said but his response was if you don't like it divorce me! WOW I was like OK, so you want a divorce ( I was saying to my self humm ok this could be a good conversation ) so he said whatever you want, I got real serious and said well, I think that things have not been good for two years, we went from fighting consently to just not talking, needless to say he did not speak to me 90% of the night, after the conversation, I turned the radio up and just...sang like it was nothing. I am not sure how he expects me to feel but if he is waiting on me to beg him to stay, well its not going to happen...I am not interested in the marriage anymore ~ I am tired of being hurt and the feel of being used. I want someone who will support me in my decisions and who will love me, he dont do either so why keep it up...it is only prolonging what is going to happen anyway...Marriage takes work AND two people willing to do that, I loved this man with my heart and sould and BEGGED him to love me, I can remember many night I cried myself to sleep only to wake up craying because of things he'd said to me to hurt me or something he done. Its just not a good sitaution and I feel like I am in a struggle to make someone love me..I think he is there "Just because" I truly feel he knows the marriage is over & has been for sometime.
I had so much hurt and disappointment in my life, I am not sure why I felt that this would be an exception..from day 1, I knew that I was not number 1 in his life. He has never showed me a side of him that proved to me his love..My hurt aches & some days I feel I am dying inside, I long for someone that will love me just as I am...even if they dont agree with my decisions in life. Its a Hard situation to deal with but, I know I will be fine, I have made it through worse storms. Being sexully abused from as far back as I can remember until I was about 9 - I went through 10 years of hell (something I chose not to share) and this I CAN and do...

Dieting gives me a start, to some a Diet is just that, to me its a life change, its the start of a new me...a me that is strong and knows that I can achieve whatever I want to in life. I know there are many test...BUT, I am ready "Bring on the rain"

Monday, November 19, 2007

Moving Right along...

Ok well woke up, and got dressed, was a Beauiful morning, Not to hot and not to cold..wish it would stay like this..Weather said it was going to be 79 degress tomarrow...wow wee.. I like that~ Well I can not remember if i logged what I had for Dinner last night, it was a BLT Chicken Salad from McDonalds...Ok OK Calm down, I Took off the Bacon, Cheese & of course NO randch, Only Fat free Itilian for me and Lettace and Grilled chicken. Was very good :) I ate really earily, around 4:30, and did not eat anything else through out the night, which was great because I normally get a sweet tooth later on in the night..Ok So I went to Walmart to buy Thanksgiving, well I was VERY good and was proud of myself as I bought everything Fat free, or Low Fat and took the time to read the labels to decide what would be the best way to make it enjoyable Yet, as little fat as possible. I bought "Promise Butter" for myself and Light Butter for Cooking ( The promse was pricey for as much as I needed. ) I did NOT buy Veggie Oil..Ummm Lets see, I mean I bought Egg beaters & Egg whites for the things I would need eggs for and I boughtVERY little cheese, I decided instead of cooking desserts as I have done in the past, I would TRICK myself...I bought Three pies that I HATE, that way I would not be tempted to indulge in a huge piece. While there I bought My food for the week so I would not have to eat out, I bought things like Rice Cakes, Lean pockets, Steamed veggies that had No sauces on them and even found the ones that you can put in the Microwave...soo I think I done great...I am proud of myself...anyway was there 2 hours and spend a forutune BUT, I feel better about Thanksgiving now..
Today, On my way to work I had a Rice cake ( For Breakfast ) and brought a Lean pocket to eat for Lunch..We will see how that goes...Otherwise things are pretty normal...

Have a Blessed day..

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Thank You for saying I changed..


Ok so I guess things were just going too good..well after I got to spend the day by myself he comes home and decides to spoil it, Of course it was about the diet again, and believe me I know I am gaining strengh because, I didn't just take what he was say, I decided to say the truth... A friend of mine is bring me a Thanksgiving basket, just being nice, he was like I better shut the shades beofre those "people" show up....I said..."jennifer..just eat your salad and shut up" BUT I couldn't!!! I Looked at him dead in the eye and said.."they probally feel bad for me" he said"why" I just broke it down for him real SIMPLE.."because of you" I said...OHH he didn't like that one bit..he said ohh everythings about you and this diet, You have changed. ( I was YEAHHHH, a point for JENNIFER" because thats a good thing..He then says "well I guess your trying to lose weight to fine somebody else" I said well "if they treat me better then you may bee" Ok well needless to say he has not spoke to me since lol...Not that I care.


I am Happy to hear him say i am changing because thats GREAT..I needed to start standing up for myself But, he don't like that..OHH Well..

For Dinner I ate a Salad, with Grilled chicken and Fat free Dressing, Was REALYYY GOOD....I might have ate too much but, at least I feel a lil full, thats something I rarely feel anymore. well, I just thought i would share my afternoon with you...

Sunday already?


Ok I was p at 8am, My Mom has me on this lil project, I am selling her Bags on line and making a a lil money as well, YEAHHH well, I woke up to 27 e-mails this am after placing the ad so i have been busy at work ha ha, Thats the kind of work I need...sit at home work...I did wake with a Head ache this morning I am thinking its because the way I ate ysterday Ok this is what i did, I woke and I was not hungry at all so, what did I do NOT eat, I waited until like 2:00 and ate, I went to my favorite place..Cracker Barrel and done pretty well as far as what I ate, They have a Low carb menu, I had egg scramlers (1) a tomato slice, Turkey Sasuage ( They brought two but I ate 1 ) & whole wheat toast with Promise sread and suger free jam and I drank and 8oz glass of water But by then I had a HUGE woppin headache because I think I might have waited wayyy to late to eat..so being that I ate so late, I ended up not eating again until about 8:30 PM ( which is against MY rules about what time is the right time to eat ) and I ate 1 chicken wrap from taco bell -minus the tortilla because i normally tear 90% off and give to the dogs...LOL soo I think Thats why I am keeping a head ache...Weekends are extremly hard on me as far as the "time" I eat...anyway...I did go over to moms and visit yesterday which I always enjoy of course...and then I came home and stay up until about 2am wow I done BAD this weekend lol Ohh well...I will have a better Day tomarrow I hope. Michael will be gone most of the day today which I LOVE of course lol...
I am picking up the Thanksgiving food today as well..I am hoping to get as much lowfat stuff as possible without telling Michael and the rest of the family lol I don't think they will ever notice as much as they eat..lol OK OK I will stop being mean BUT ITS TRUE, they don't slow down long enough to enjoy it so, why not make it healythy for them . I did Buy some Christmas stuff at the Cracker barrel, I Love their decorations and EVERYTIME I go, i end up spending much more then my meal, I eat so little that the meals are much cheaper ( Would be even CHEAPER if michael would disappear Hee hee ) I got a CUTE Snowman that things single bells & moves its head & Lights up OHHHH ha ha and I got a Snowman made out of Ice and he lights up, The CUTEST thing ever!!! I ended up buying a new Christmas Flag for my Flag pole outsde as well...Well I guess i will get off of here for now..I have been on here forever lol Have a Blessed Day...

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Busy Saturday

Well hello seems I am getting later writing in my Journal, I got up and had to Run an errand for my mom and a couple for myself, Its been a busy morning so far..But a quite day...Last night for dinner, I ate something that I don't think was ummm too healthy however, I had not ate many calories for the day so I splurged a bit I had a arbys Jr, It was REALLY good...Last night I bought some of the Ice Cream I seen on the Hungry Girl website ( I Live by that site ha hah ) anyway I was amazed how low in calories they are and I did eat one last night...although I had the roast beef, I did not go over my calorie count which is good...This morning I still have not ate, Its 12:30 am :( I guess I need to but, sometimes I dread eating and other times, I am extremely hungry it goes from one extreme to the other. Last night I went to moms for about an hour and checked out her kitchen to make sure she was eating healthy lol, she said I am not the one on the diet lil girl ha ha ha, She is all for my diet and even said I looked like I was losing WOW, That felt realllyyyy GOOOD I may not be but, It feels good to hear someone say that, I hope that's just the beginning :) Michael has not been that bad today..I mean he's not been negative that is, But he did eat a HUGE Country Breakfast thing at Hardees...WOW that place is the WORSE for Calories!!!! Its like 1200 in a Monster Burger!!! i would NEVER eat one of those..That would be my calories for the day. I am not doing much but I think I will get my dogs out riding today so I better go get them dressed..Chat with you later...

Friday, November 16, 2007

Better Morning

OK I feel MUCH better this morning, maybe I just needed to get that off my chest but, It must have worked because I feel 100% better today, I got up and took a warm shower got dressed and even left my hair down...I ate rice cakes and listened to the morning show this morning and traffic was not that bad, so Its been a better morning already...Just an update will write more in a bit..


10:30 am OK I am updating...OK The office is having a lil Thanksgiving treat :) I was VERY good, I did go but only ate two small cocktail wienies, 2 apple slices and 4 grapes I decided to come to my desk so I could resit the temptation.
This morning I have got very little done, I was chatting with a couple of co workers about my diet and so on and found out that Tonya, a girl I work with has been in Weight watchers for some time! I also found out exactly how the meetings work and what they are about, I am going to find me a meeting asap and get started, I am really excited about this info because I know I have someone that understand what I am going through. I also shared some personal information with them and feel so much better since I decided to get it out in the open...I am really tired of pretending everything is OK when in fact, Its the opposite, I struggle daily with this and feel it is time that It comes to a stop. I know that it will be tough, I am expecting that but when the time is right I will go for it...I am sad that my anniversary is coming up and have so many regrets through the marriage, That will be the second hardest thing I will have to do, Right now I am trying to stay focused on Me, my weight and getting strong enough to tackle that decision. Anyway I guess I will get some work done...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I have something private to share

Without a Doubt I am depressed, I am not sure what is going on but, I feel like I am ..I don't know just Blaaaaaa Ya know..Its weird! After work I got dinner, I went to Subway and got the Mini sub ( 1/4 of a regular sub ) and had her to put JUST lettuce on it with two pieces of Turkey, after I got it i was ...ummm No That's NOT what I want sooo I pulled out my Calorie thingy for McDonald's and seen that I could get a 4 piece nugget for Very few Calories BUT, Its basically considered "fried" and I have not had ANYTHING fried soo I went for it and BOY I am paying for it, I ate THREE SMALL chicken nuggets and I now am sick and feel miserable...I guess because I have not had grease in so long...OMG it was NASTY, I won't do that again, for a snack i ate three fat free mints...yumm yumm lol anyway, I am not sure that i am losing anything, I am one of the stubborn people that REFUSED to get on a scale...I mean I REFUSE! I decided that once a month was enough torture for me soooo ...that's what I done...

OK I am ready to explain my depression, This is extremely hard for me BUT I need to talk about this and its really SAD and depressing and I hope that I can do it without crying my eyes out and this is the part of my life that VERY few people know about so they don't understand why I am so bitter at my Husband...

OK Lets start here when I was 14 my husband and I met, I thought he was my world and at 14 he was lol, I was raised in a single father home and I was searching for love, he seemed almost perfect, we dated until I was 19 and I moved to Nashville, I was there 8 years and returned, I just happen to run into his Mother (who BTW always wanted us to get married and told me at a young age that she knew we would ) well we started talking again and at 30 I married him..He when I knew him did not drink or smoke or anything..I mean NOTHING..so that being said, while I was away he was in a terrible tractor trailer wreck and came pretty close to dying and stayed in the hospital 3 months took him a while to learn to walk and to get back to normal but when I got back with him he was OK and seemed like the old Michael Little did I know he had a hidden secert that he failed to mention before we were married...

It was Ok at first and I noticed he would get really..Umm how do I say this..Moody I guess and became very violent and has even hit me in the past. Well he is trying to get disability and takes pain meds and has grown addicted to it, and when I say addicted I mean if he runs out all heck breaks lose...I mean Its SAD and SICK...to me. I guess because I have never done drugs I don't understand the whole "addiction" thing. I just figured since he gets them legally from a Dr its OK, but while in medical school ( I attended Medical school for 2 years ) I figured it out. This is extremely hard for me because I am highly against this and feel that he needs to stop when I suggest that, he is like well you don't have a medal rode in your leg and a plated hip and blots in your knee so u wouldn't understand...BUT that is true and I stay on edge ALL the time, this is one of our biggest problems..(That and the fact that he does not work, takes advantage of me and treats me like I am a "nobody" OH and NEVER supports me and and talks down to me constantly I could go on... ) I am the provider in the house, I clean, work buy food, pay all bills and do EVERYTHING on my own, yet I am married. i know people get tired of hearing it and I guess I do too...Its on my mind because we have our anniversary in about two weeks and it is sad to say but he has never even got me anything...I do it all an when i say that I mean EVERYTHING....I buy his cloths, wash them and lay them out sometimes...I am just venting I guess I just let it get to me WAYY to much But Now I am doing something for myself and sometimes i just don't feel worthy of even doing that...Some days I am strong and others weak and miserable...I use to think of ways to disappear because before him, i wasn't in a good situation either..Its been a hard life full of disappointment, and I guess I am scared my diet will turn out the same way...I never expect to be happy because I am normally let down ya know...

I don't like telling people about myself because I don't know of anything really good to tell...I am very friendly to "just meet me" But I keep EVERYONE at a distance and will not let anyone in my world..it's weird, I know alot of people don't know me that well but i was in college for 3 years, I met so many people, I was a member of Civitan ( A College out reach program that helped the community ) I have awards from various groups I have attended, I attend UT and completed a program and been through a few jobs and do you know out of all those things I have done, I don't stay in contact with many, maybe a handful of people...Why is that? Why do I push everyone away? The crazy thing is I have always felt that people didn't like me, I would hide behind my weight, Now that i could possibly be losing it, what will I hide behind??? I am in a Bad situation all the way around but, God knows I am trying to dig my way out of the mess I have become...I just hope I have the strength and will power to do everything it will take...

Not Sure but, Depressed maybe??/

OK I feel like I have not wrote in forever, Yesterday I left work Early because I had an appointment, After the appointment I ate dinner which was Green beans, 1 Chicken skewer, 1 slice of fresh orange, Once I got home I ended up going to walmart to buy dog food, wow what a visit to walmart..I was walking down the Christmas isle and almost cried, I can remember last year all the candy that I loved, I love white choc & peppermint, and white choc and dark Hersey's, and wow..I could name at least 25 that I was crazy about..I litterly almost cried thinking about how hard it will be to resist the temptation of those type things...I re famed from buying any but did buy a sheet of mints ( 130 calories for 6 of them ) That helped some..I was a lil down, I am not sure if it was because of the rain or just life..not really sure but, after I got home, I sat and worked on my coupons...I think I have a coupon for everything on my cooking list for Thanksgiving..and about8:30 I was like, I am rating something...I ate a cup of Curve Cereal and Soy Milk, and went to bed around 10pm, It was storming like crazy and I missed the computer but was scared to turn it on...

This Am ( Its 12:29pm now ) I came in and just feel kind of weird...I don't wanna talk and I don't want anyone to talk to me so I done the best thing..I Put My Ipod on and have had it on ALL morning and still have it one..I know this is a Mood swing because when I woke up I felt fine...For Breakfast I ate a Fiber 1 Bar and ate two "Fiber Choice" pills... I also snacked on three Mini rice cakes throughout the morning...

Michael has surprising acted pretty normal for the most part, we haven't really talked, That's probably why we have got along..That seems to do the trick..Like I said I have felt a lil weird, kind of depressed in a way...I have tried to pull myself out of it, This is the first time since I have been on my meds that I have felt like this, I am not sure if it has anything to do with it or not. It is possible but, I seriously doubt it..

I chatted with Mom last night which was nice, we talked for about an hour...she has been working and stays busy most of the time. well I guess I will see whats for lunch and see if I want to eat that or a meal bar

BTW, I have been thinking of joining weight watchers so I can attend the meetings, I found out they have them here in Knoxville, I think that's a positive way to keep me motivated through the Holiday...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A Pat on the back for Jennifer

OK I feel like I have negeted my blog although I just wrote yesterday at lunch, I like to be a little obsivive about writting so I can keep up with it all... :) Ok Lets start ummm when I left work yesterday ( I mainly read Hungry girl ALL day yesterday and a few blogs ) OK I left and head to class, ( I am in Tax Classes, I have to renew every year I am on my third year ) OK It was ok but I figured I better get my dinner before going or it would be way to late, so I stopped by Mickey D's and got Apple Dippers and a Grilled chicken wrap, I didn't even eat the tortilla, I just ate the lattace and the Meat..I only ate 1 smal package of the carmel, It was really good and made me want something sweet extremely BAD, sooooooo This is where NORMALLY I would have stopped by a store on the way home and grabbed a fast snack BUT...YEAHHH for Jennifer, I decided on going to Walmart and buying some snack foods for when I get a craving for "snack" foods...( I studyed the Hungry girl site to find some healthy alteritives ) I decided on..
1. Graduates, Finger Foods ( For Babies ) BECAUSE, you can eat 80 pieces and its only 25 calories and 0 calories from fat
2.Quaker Mini Delights buttered popcorn - Multigrain cakes 1 pack is 90 calories
3.Quakes Rice snacks - Caramel Corn You can have 7 mini cakes for 60 Calories 0 fat calories, They are Extremely good...
4. Weight Watchers - Yogart (Strawberry)
5. Curves Cerial w/ Soy Milk ( the curves was really good with only 100 calories per I think because I dont have the box but maybe a cup??? ) anyway and the Milk was 80z glass 50 Calories!!! Wow wee..I done my homework, anyway..After that trip I wasn't that hungry anymore but did grab a rice cake to see how it taste..Really good :) and I curved my sweet tooth $25 later ha ha

This mornings been fine, I have not taken my meds and still was not hungry this am, I did make myself eat 5 mini cakes...yummy breakfast... Other wise the moring has went well..My Boss just brought in alot of work so I better get working...will add more later on

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Lunch time 11/13

The morning has been pretty uneventful, I have mainly sat in the office and looked at www.hungrygirl.com WOW thats a GREAT site, I have learned so much...shes so smart and knows whats shes talking about, I read all the way back to 2004!!! Anyway for lunch, I did eat...I went to the dinning room & decided on a piece of grilled chicken on a bed of lettace and a Aquafina "Alive" wellness water (10 Calories ) It was a decent lunch and I am "trying to eat at least eat a little every meal time. Anyway, I have class tonight which I am dreading as I always do, I HATE getting off work only to drive and sit for 4 hours...I think its crazy but, I think its an every year thing, I wish there was another way...well I am outta here, guess I will check out some blogs :)

Some Great reading this AM

Well its been a great morning I assume, I got up and walked in my living room and stoof there looking around..its looks great, I am excited to get some kind of change in it...The new couch is very comfortable and nice looking all the way around...I did get up a lil late this am and traffic was just terrible...Once I got to work ( 10 minutes late ) I was starvinggg I mean really hungry, I assume because I did not take my meds. So I gave in to my hunger haha, I went to the dinning rooma and grabed an englisg Mcmuffin with egg and cheese..I know not the healthiest thing I could have done.. BUT, I feel ok about it, I will just be careful the rest of the day, I feel like I ate a whole pizza or something...I have been doing some work but inbetwwen work I read this GREAT article..ad of course I will share with you..

Are You Losing At Least One Pound Per Week?
By Ian Robertson, Managing Editor PhenForum Daily and the Weight Loss Club
Are you losing at least one pound per week? If diet and exercise are made priorities then it should be completely feasible to lose at least a pound per week.
It needs to be understood that a pound of bodyfat contains roughly 3500 calories and if one removes 500 excess calories a day then at least one pound will be lost until a goal weight is achieved. This doesn’t take regular exercise into consideration which means more weight can be lost.
As far as the diet is concerned, make sure you remove those 500 calories from superfluous food sources such as sodas which can be replaced with water or unsweetened tea. That’s easily 120-150 calories depending on the soda.
Instead of fries or chips, go with steamed vegetables instead. Vegetables and fruit are recommended for two reasons: Not only do they have fewer calories due to the water content but they contain considerably more vitamins and minerals than the unnecessary junk. The diet facet is certainly more challenging than exercise in terms of fighting off the calories.
While for most, exercise is the easier of the two, it is still a motivational challenge at times. Some days we are too busy, while other days simply leave us too tired. And while easier said than done, try not to fall into a rut like that.
One of the best aspects of exercise is that it can serve as one-stop shopping in terms of calorie reduction. For instance, an hour of jogging burns up to 900 calories! However, remember to use weights as well because building muscle is what boosts the metabolism in the long-term. Alone, an hour’s worth of weight training will burn 500 calories but the metabolic boost you get is unique only to resistance training.
Of course, one needs to remember to not only eat a nutritious protein and carbohydrate snack an hour after exercising but to eat enough calories throughout the day. Many, think starvation will lead to fat loss when exactly the opposite is true. The body must break down its own muscle tissue in an effort to maintain one’s metabolism since not enough calories are being eaten. When calories are lacking, body fat is hoarded and metabolisms are slowed down in order to conserve energy due to the fight-or-flight response.
Once a solid diet and exercise program has been established, removing 500 calories a day will become the healthy sidenote to an overall healthy lifestyle.


I put in yellow the thing that relates to me the most & Believe me thats me...Not that I am starving but, I have always felt I am eating WAY to much even when I eat a small amount....and thats not always true according to this article. I have also been taking "Fiber Choice" I am not sure that I need that much fiber BuT, I figured it couldn't hurt. Anyway, Things have been pretty ok so far but its earily yet...

Monday, November 12, 2007

Nighty Night

Ok sooo its been a while, i didn't have a chance to write at lunch, was really busy at work..Ok for lunch, I think i told you my meal the roasted turkey and green beans. the turkey was GREAT and made me look foward to Thanksgiving...SOO when I got home I place my couch and love seat on Freecycle.com because I got the new one, I had thought I was getting the matching reclyner but Michaels mom decided to keep it so I went down to buy me one...never decided on one soooo You know how that goes, If you knew me you would know I can never make up my mind...so Michael once again ate TWO friggin rib things at McDonalds AND a large fry PLUS ate my left overs, I had a simple grilled chicken soft taco...I bought two BUT ate 1, he ate the other..I came home and got all my christmas stuff started..Fun Fun, It does look very nice... Forgive me if I share this but Michael has decided he is half dead and that his foot will never heal...lol he is crazy sometimes. well nothing special to report..getting ready to head to bed.
Good morning, This morning has went well so far, I was awaken my my dad calling me ( He lives in another state, and I thought something was wrong so basicly I have been awake since 6am, so I am wide awake, I did decide on the way to work I might need coffee and although I have stopped drinking coffee, I got a small cup (Yes with cream :( ) When I got to work I was surprised with a lil gift bag sitting in my chair, wow I thought it might have been a mistake BUT, My friend Heather ( The one I went to the baby shower for last week ) , I opened it to find the CUTEST orniment that said the word "friend" on it, wow It made me feel really good and I rushed to Thank her, I told you all she was great...

I LOVEEE This site called "Hunger Girl" They had some GREAT ideas for snacks or I guess they could even be meals, I thought I would share..

Lean Pockets Whole Grain - With 16g of whole grain in each "pocket", these cheesy mini-meals come in Ham & Cheese, Meatballs & Mozzarella, and Supreme Pizza. Each one has 220 - 240 calories, 7g fat, and 3 - 4g fiber (POINTS® value 4 - 5*).
Chex 100 Calorie Snacks in Strawberry Yogurt - Creamy... fruity... crunchy... if you dig pre-portioned cerealish snack foods, these will make you happy. Each pouch contains 100 calories, 2.5g fat, and 0g fiber (POINTS® value 2*).

Dont those sound GREAT There were other as well... yummm...I did have a very emotional weekend and it makes me dread the weekends extremely bad but, Its over now and I am back at work, I feel so much safer in this lil office...No one to argue with and no one to put me down..
I got some GREAT & Encouraging e-mails in my box this weekend that help me so much, I can not begin to tell you what it means to me that I have people that care..Goes to show you there are wonderful people out there willing to lend a shoulder. Many thnaks go out to those people...I guess duty calls and I better get to work...OHH I feel no different with my meds...seriously no side affects whats - so ever...and I have not ate breaksfast..its 10:01am ...

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Nighty Night time


Dinner I wouldn't say was the best of choices BUT I tried eating very small ..anyway Michael and I decided to eat at the cracka Barrel for lunch, was good, I hate three veggies and drank to glasses of water, NOW for dinner WOW...I ate something thats a HUGE NO NO BUT, in defense I have ate VERY little and done GREAT so call it a reward to myself...I ate a half a Steak and OMG 1 single slice of fried green tomato....Its the FIRST fried food I have ate since I started my diet...I felt SOOOO guilty afterwards...I mean BAD BUT...It taste wonderful and I wanted more and more BUT, did NOT fall into temptation. We went to his Moms today and it was an ok visit...She is CRAZY about spending money and bought this $2000 couch, she is giving Michael and I her old one which is still basicly brand new ( had it about 2 years No kids or anything) she also got a new bed and is giving michael and her bed...wow, I know I sound like a bum but, I seriously have a great couch and Love seat but hers is newer then mine and I LOVE the color so...Yeap I am taking it, we are puttung the extra bed in my extra bedroom..


Michael has been Ok I guess, at lunch he laughed because I ordered three veggies and I said, what? he was like I just figured if we were going out to eat you would eat something decent..hummm not sure what he considers decent...I guess his lunch which was called a BIG BOY or somethings like that lol I had to laugh inside and think...Perfect meal jack^&^% lol


I didn't do as well as I had hope as far as Calories I am sure that single tomato had LOTS of calories, More then all my meals togather last week ha ha BUT I will be back to normal tomarrow..Its Monday so things are better on Mondays..Lets Hope...


BTW, since I am the one one the diet, They (They being Michael Family) decided I was cooking, basicly if I want to or not, I have a surprise for them...there will be a change in a few things like Mostly NON-FAT items ....The may lose a pound or two this holiday

Better Morning

Well to start Yesterday was...just miserable..I am so Glad it is over and I will have a better day today..I will make sure of it, I guess I need to report dinner yesterday..Just for the record yesterday got much better as the day went along however, it was not a good day for me...Started out REALLY bad...anyway Michael and I decided I had to get Tags so I went to the mall to get them and decided that we would walk the mall twice...going in every store basically just to get some exercise..Michael's foot was hurt so he sat most of the time while I walked....anyway after that we went for Lunch, He decided on a Hardees meal ( WOW Calories at that place ) I decided that I was not going to go that route so I went to Taco bell for a simple grilled chicken wrap thing ( Has just Chicken and cheese in it ) and I could only eat a half of it so i ate a very small porton, later on in the day about 4:30pm or so i decided I would go a head and eat dinner so I wouldn't be eating after 6 which is my cut off time...We went to a lil country place that cooks home cooking..Yum, I had a veggie plate although it wasn't that health I had a Small Bowl of Greens, Beets & EKKK Mac & Cheese...I felt like I had WAY to much but the server was like "Honey you didn't eat anything" I was like ok...does everybody eat a HUGEE plate of food when they come in...I didn't say anything BUT of course Mr Perfect said...Ohh she don't eat, shes picky..Picky, Ohh I am far from that because if it had been this time three weeks ago I would have had ummm Fried green tomato's, fried chicken a HUGE bowl of Mac and Cheese and probably about three pieces of bread lol BUT I am working on self control and although I didn't pick the healthiest stuff on the menu I ate in small porton and Drank two whole glasses of water while there. Later on in the night I did get a lil hungry about 7:00 I did snack on 5 veggie crackers and had a very small amount of Cheese ball on it...I didn't feel that guilty because I was starving...

My Brother in Law and his soon came over and he was telling me about his new girlfriend ( which is one of about 5 I am sure knowing him ) he and I are pretty close and he trys to stay healthy so we started talking about dieting and stuff and Michael was like GODD, and walked in the computer room and started playing on the computer Joe's son..
This is My brother in law Joe..anyway he is always very supportive and was he thought it was great...Michael has always been a little Jealous of Joe and I's friendship and always makes remarks about it. Just shows how immature he really is...

While at the mall I went to this Health food store and talk to the guy who had alot of information to share about Vitamins and stuff like that and ended up buying some Fiber pills and Vitamins. I did buy 5 meal bars for those days I just don't want to eat lunch and would rather have it all in a bar. I have not tasted of one but, they look good and made sure I picked good ones with my favorite..strawberry...Yummy...

OK so I don't guess I done that bad...I do have a Dr appointment on the 27th which will tell me my results...As you all can see I do not EVER way myself...I have decided it is better for me to weigh monthly..for several different reason...I feel like if I was to checked it daily and I didn't lose I would get very discouraged, Month you see the Big picture..Plus..I like using the same scales, so I will log that Monthly, so I will know on the 27th and I am a little excited to find out if any of this huge lard but is gone...I honestly felt small yesterday, i mean i don't know if that is true but I did...in a weird sort of way I felt, Prettier yesterday.


Last night...I had bought the dogs cloths and tried them on, I decided to take some pictures of them...I thought I would share with you :)
This is All of the..wanting to go to bed :) they LOVE outfits but it was late and they always go to bed at the same time we were up later last night...This is sassy, she loves outfits because they keep her warm....These to ARE VERY close and normally love on each other so See why I love my babies....They are my life and I think they know that..I treat them like angels.. :) Sammy, my new one is VERY stubborn and was sleepy and REFUSED to allow me to get a good picture of him...Every time I would take one he would turn his head lol they are FUNNY...

Well later ( Much later ~ Didn't think this day was ending ) Michael decides the pain was unbearable and needed to go to the hospital, I took him and come to find out he has "Gout" on his whole foot..I thought he was faking OOPs...we came home and off to sleep..Now it is Sunday morning and I am up trying to figure out what I want to do next...ha ha Ok well I am tired of rambling...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Good Morning

wow, got a Huge letter from mom this morning was very interesting and I enjoyed some of the things she had to say really gave me some strengh to start a new day...

MOM:
I hear that once a person stops they tend to eat more, then they also have to diet- I am not quiet ready but once I do get ready I will need some extra prayers! This is a 35 year old habit-----but as with you, if we set our minds to it-we can move a mountain-with a lot of help from above and each other- I love you Jennifer, I know I don't say that not near as much as I need to but always know that you are my life and I love you with all of my heart.

See why I love her :) anyway the morning so far is fine although it is earily yet and he is still in bed, I hope to go walking to today and enjoy this beautiful Saturday..We will see...

Friday, November 9, 2007

UPSET, MISERABLE and 500 calories for The day..


Well as soon as I got off work my hell begin, went and picked Michael up from his Mothers, which I don't really care for anyway..He was in an Ok mood I assume so on the way Home, I said I am a lil hungry..what have I ate?? You know just talking to myself, well those of you that read my entry's know I only ate a Fiber bar and a small amount of tuna on lettuce and of course WATER, sooo I was Ohh yeah I hate that Fiber bar, He start going off on me telling me how dumb I was, I didn't know how to diet that when and IF I lost it I would gain it back because i was to stupid to do it the right way, I assume his way is to EAT ANY and EVERYTHING...Finally we got to Subway and I thought, I am sure I can find something Healthy there soo, I grabbed the Calorie guide and the girl behind the counter was talking about things that other people eat that's healthy and I mentioned what I ate, just having a normal conversation...WELL...In the mean time he is getting a Terrijo something sub.. and these two young pretty girls walk in, He starts looking at me crazy, basically telling me to shut up about the diet...as we walk out he looks the girl up and down, I simply said, It won't be long and men will look at me that way...I mean Here I am, Struggling and he is saying just get something damn...

Anyway on the way home I cried all the way of course, while he went on and on about how he is not dumb he knows how to diet and that the ONLY reason he was a lil heavy is because he was "Depressed" i wanted to say you know what, ME TOO!! (Because of YOU) BUT, I didn't however I did tell him that he did not support me in any way and I did not need him to tell me a bunch of bull that he knows NOTHING about...

This is the kind of stuff I am dealing with here, and people wonder why the heck I say I am in an UNHAPPY marriage, Just as I told him..I WILL NOT give up, I will do it without him or anyone...
This is extremely stressful on me...I have cried until I am miserable sick..I mean I want to lose weight, I want to feel beautiful and I know I am FAT, I know I am ...I know I am very unhealthy and I know he is using me and that's the only reason he is here, I am not blind...He is always looking at women and flirting and all that but I just pretend I don't see it..because just simply put, I most of the time just don't care...I am so depressed and miserable and just mad at myself...Just in a crazy mood...I feel like I should give up...But I won't...I am stronger then that...I will NOT allow him to bring me to his level...

Now I may be a lil upset at how I ate today...NOT GOOD...NOT good at all...You know what I ate for lunch but dinner is worse...I ONLY ate a half of a half turkey w/ lettuce sub..Like not even a fourth of it because I was so upset, I told him he could have it and believe me..he ate it. I probably didn't eat but 500 calories if that...I am EXTREMELY upset with myself and want to cry more and more...I can not believe after two weeks of keeping positive and focused, I allowed him and allowed myself to get like this...I don't know why but, somehow I am treating the food as if it is my enemy..like I shouldn't eat...I took my medicine late so I am thinking maybe that's why i have not been hungry....either way I done BAD and I am aware of it.Tomorrow is a new day and I will make it a good day, I am going to go walking tomorrow...Maybe at a track I am not sure yet but, i want this so badly that I am going to do it...I want to be a HEALTHY weight and I want so badly to pretend my husband does not exist.
I Hope everyone else night was better then mine...
Jenna

OMG whatta Morning

OK so, we all know mu husband is a ...Jack&%#* OK so now that, that's otta tha way, I will tell you about my morning...OK I woke up, so did he..I got up, sooo did he, I got Dressed..AND so did he so at this point I was like OK whats the catch, why you up (He don't have a job sooo GOD knows he wasn't headed in that direction) soo he decides that he was taking me to work this morning...I assume to waste all the gas he can since it is $3 a gallon and we drive an expedition and I drive 38 miles to work...OK now that that is out of my system...
Lets start over, I woke up feeling fine again..ever since I started taking this medication I feel Ok in the mornings which is a change because I use to be sooo grumpy in the mornings, I decided that I would "TRY" not taking the medicine just to see what would happen or how I would feel, Basically to see if that's whats controlling my appetite...OK Its 8:40 and I feel fine, Not hungry, I don't feel bad or anything so I am wondering if the pill is even as strong as the DR says it is??? Wouldn't I experience some kind of symptoms if it were that strong? anyway..I will be taking it in the next lil bit...I did bring my fiber bar with me today but other then that I did not "bring" a lunch so we will think about what I am having closer to that time.

I got a Great Idea from Colette...cook my husband brownies...GREAT idea...make sure I make them with extra of whatever will make him pooo all night..lol Thanks adding me Colette your one special woman...

Well That's my morning news....Be back later..Ohh Movation..

Success Is A Matter Of ExpectationWhen you believe something good can happen, it does.In order to succeed, you must first expect to succeed.If you want to succeed beyond your wildest expectations,begin with some wild expectations. Set your goals high.When you expect things to happen, strangely enough, they do happen.Expectation energizes your goals and gives them momentum.The dreams you choose to believe in come to be.


OK LUNCH 1:00pm

I am just eating lunch OR should I say trying to...I ate the Fiber one bar at 10:00 and I guess it filled me up because NOW I am not hungry, I walked into the dinning room THREE times before FINALLY saying "Ok Jennifer YOU HAVE TO GET SOMETHING" soooo I decided on a Small (half a reguler order) of Tuna Salad, on a piece of lettace & a half a sliced pickle...I am still eating on it, each bit I take makes me not want the next bit...LORD, I am JUST NOT HUNGERY..OK I feel better ha haha Well at Lunch I had to RUN to the bank lol I mean I started running through the parking lot again...ha ha I always get to the car and I am worn out because I feel like I am soo BIG and everything on my bodys moving..seems like after I turned 30 ( I am now 32 ) but after I turned 30 things started going down hill lol I gained a huge amount of weight, gravity hit my body like a mack truck, emotions started running wild..and I married a Jack*&^% Ha hawhat in the world was I thinking ...anyway Guess I will finish off this Tuna if I can..Have a Great Day ~ I have been reading the BEST blogs :)

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Night again...

Came home to silence, YESSS It was Nice VERRRYYY Nice, My husband was out with his mother eating, I later found out a $50 meal!!! OMG I was like what did you eat and here he comes with a to go box of Food! YES I mean a WHOLE BOX of steak, peppers onions, rice, re fried beans...I was like the heck..you know I am on a diet AND I don't eat after 8pm...Ohhhhe just thought I was CRAZYYY. I was proud that I turned it down, I decided that instead of focusing on the food being in the house I would go o Walmart and take a friends advice (Thanks Colette) and bought some fiber 1, I did not eat one I was buying them for work tomorrow. For dinner I ate two chicken crescents that were left over from the baby shower...I KNOW I should have ate more..BUT I have been extremely sick...Just feeling like crap...sooo anyway I didn't even get hungry until after 8pm, I am trying not to fall into the temptation of eating after 8pm, I have to be very strict about that because THAT and fast foods were my down fall.

OHHH Btw while at walmart not only did my husband eat a huge meal at Cancun's, He got a box of cereal and milk and ate a HUGE bowl of it saying honey how many calories do you think this is..O My Goodness I decided to check for 11 pieces, it was 110 calories and he ate like ALOT...WOW BADDDD...He was basically poking fun because I am always counting calories making sure not to go over 1200..he is such an pain, I was so excited knowing he wouldn't be home...Thats really sad huh?

Tomorrow he is spending the day at his Moms, Thank god for small miracles..Good night

Met someone new..who understands

Lunch ~How can I describe it...OK VERYYY lil well..Not that I wasn't hungry because I have been for some unknown reason and have the worse headache ever, I ate some fresh veggies..lil carrots, Brock & cauliflower...and I ate a 90 calorie special K bar, I went to the dining room, stood there looking really crazy at the food all I could think about was wow, they must know I am on a diet and they decided to help me out..It looked that BAD soo I decided my lunch was over..I could have ate a chicken wrap or something healthy like that but, just wasn't in the mood...I took the other half of my pill and decided that I would eat maybe a Yogurt Later on in the day.

I have chatting Via e-mail with a couple of AW SOME women, who offer alot of support and suggestions and I just me them yet I feel like I know them..Colette (Confessions of a Chinese Food addict) Is a Great person and I can will be a Great support system, she is very smart and seems to know what shes talking about...when I started chatting with her this morning, I was like wow someone to talk to, that understands..does not judge AND offers suggestions and MOST of all support...Just an example...Read this letter..

hahaha I know what ya mean! I traded my food addiction for blogging addiction...LOL
Glad you are reading the blogs. They will give you lots of insight too!

OK I just got done reading ALL your post from the first one til today and I want to say...
1.) your mom is amazing and you so lucky to have her behind you. me and my mom don't really get along since I found my dad 10 years ago...long story that would make a great OPRAH show!! lol
2.) Your not eating enough through out the day that is why your hungry. You need to eat more fiber! Fiber will fill you up and keep you from feeling hungry. So eat those "Fiber One" bars, they are in the cereal aisle at the grocery, apples, popcorn and anything high in fiber! When you think your hungry...drink crystal light or water! Also you need to eat every 3 hours... this will keep you from getting so famished!! And will help you have control as well as keep your blood sugar levels from dipping and spiking!!
3.) I agree with something you said, the pills help control the hunger but you have to be able to eat a balanced low fat diet after you get off the pills because you can't stay on them forever so now is the time to read, gather info and try some great WW recipes to get prepared for when you come off the meds!!!
4.) walk, walk and walk. A friend of mine I walk with lost 65 pounds just by walking...no change in her diet!! Exercise will make you feel better, sleep better and i bet the dogs would love some one on one " mommy time"

You will find all the ladies are very supportive and I can't imagne not having their support!!! Your doing a great job, keep up the good work.
TTYL,
Colette


I read this and was almost in tears that someone cared enough to read all my journal entry's! It meant so much and gave me the feeling someone out there REALLY cares...It was an amazing feeling. I have a few others that have been reading as well..Alex is great and is always right on top of my new post..I just want to say Thanks to all of you...
Well Mom called me during lunch JUST to ask what I had for lunch...That was so sweet of her..she has her days ha ha
My Co Worker Mickey left for lunch and it seem different being in our liloffice alone..kind of weird..The headache is starting to wear off and I better get some work done for the day...I will of course be back...

Late morning..

Ok Good morning, I am writing later then normal...I had other things to do this morning on the computer soo here I am at work 8:48am. First I decided to try to split my pill again...I know it did not work well the first time but I think I wanted to try it again and just see if it would do better, truthfully..NO its not But, I will use self controlled and discipline and see how it goes.. I am thinking maybe my body is getting adjusted to it..either way I am not going to give in to it...

Read a Great article this morning and of course I will share...

How To Eat The Right Fats
While the role of fat has been established, its dietary role is a different matter entirely. While eating fat won't directly lead to fat storage, it does need to be considered that the body is more efficient at converting dietary fat into stored fat than carbohydrates and protein.
Eating a fatty food does not necessarily mean it will all be stored as fat. A principle that does remain true is that 1 gram of fat is equal to about 9 calories, which is more than double the number of calories found in either carbohydrates or protein (about 4 calories for both).
So, this too gives us a reason to be aware of our fat intake and while there are differing opinions on how much fat is to be eaten, most would say that between 20-30% of your daily caloric intake should come from fats.
Most of these fats should come from unsaturated fats instead of saturated fats. Although it is best to avoid saturated fats, there is one fat of the heart-healthier polyunsaturated kind that needs to be avoided: trans fats.
Trans fats, or trans fatty acids, is a term used to describe the process used to alter the chemical structure of a normally softer, polyunsaturated fat so that it becomes a harder, more saturated fat.
Why you should avoid trans-fats:
Now the reasons as to why we should avoid trans fats are well documented these days. When you eat trans-fats you are putting yourself at risk for:
Type II diabetes
Coronary heart disease
Stroke
And now, the GOOD Fats:
At the opposite end of the fat spectrum lie several, more beneficial groups of fats. These are the unsaturated fats, more specifically called monounsaturated and polyunsaturated, and they include...

This is a very informative article..I enjoyed it very much. Heather got the pictures and loved them, she even appreciated the cupcake picture..lol
After sleeping on what happen with Thanksgiving last night, I still have not made a final decision. I have not ate anything this morning and prob bally won't until lunch.
Chat with you then...

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Sharing Pictures before bed

OK would this not temp you too?? I just LOVED this lil cup cake BUT, BUT I DID NOT eat one...I did bring one home to my husband...I thought it was cute as can be...Tonight well has been like most nights...at my house, not alot different...I ate very little this afternoon as I felt guilty about all I ate today so I didn't eat much tonight..OK On a Happier Note the Baby Shower was fun This is Heather & DianeThis is Heather, the Preggy..It was Really nice to see everyone smiling and having fun and not so serious all the time. Heathers baby will be here soon and her whole life will change..I know shes excited but so scared. I think she will be a GREAT mother to her lil boy.
This is my Co-worker and I guess you could say friend, Micky
He is the one that kind of keep me in line, ha ha He is a Funny person and turned out being great...we are completely opposite but seem to find things to chat about. Well I was basicly Sharing pictures with you...Tonight was a little disappointed as I have decided NOT to cook Thanksgiving Dinner, Its a long story but feel thats the best thing to do..I guess that will cut down on the calories huh? I think I will find a nice place to go eat. Things here get worse BUT I still carry my smile..
Nighty night...



Baby Shower

Was Great, Good I done...pretty good...I hate a Chicken Croissent, a ham in a blanket, two strawberrys, watermelon, Veggies & a small bit of dip & Yes I slerged a bit and ate some of a cheese ball with veggie crackers..I REALLY wanted ummm chips, dips, meatballs AND seconds lol but I think I done good...I got a baby in a blanket Cupcake but did not eat it, I am taking it home to michael. I have noticed I am still extremly hungry but I think thats because I was around so much food that I liked. I did call the Dr about me being so hungry, they feel I am not eating enough...humm I am doing the best I can BUT I have a hrad time eating smaller meals throughout the day, I think she said 4 meals through the day..I only do two meals through the day...She did however say tha they had time realeased ones that I might want to give a try...I did not tell him that I had PCOS (Poly Cystic Overy Sydrome) I may need something a bit stronger..I will talk to him about it on my next visit which is on the 27th. I am not sure about the other pill that he has, I will have to see what kind of side affects it has...I just hope that this don't act this way all during the month, Yes I think that I CAN do it with out the meds but the meds is what makes me think I am not hungry, Its all in the brain. Like right now, I feel like I am starving BUT I am not..I just "KNOW" there is food in reaching distance that I really like..so instead of staying down there chatting, I came back to my office ( Bringing a Strawberry and some veggie crackers & Cheese ) sooo...anyway...enough on that I assume..I guess I done pretty good and I am patting myself on the back! Yeahhhhhhhhh...Now back to work I guess ekk


2.01PM UPDATE since this post

OK OK I admit, I ate a lil more ha ha BUT, Its one day, It will be fine :) We can't get to serious about this diet or it won't be fun :) I have a plate fore later to..OHHH Lord ha ha, I did get Pictures will share maybe tonight .....

Baby Shower almost here...

OK for some unknown reason I am starving...I normally dont get hungry in the mornings..well it is 11:00 but I am hungry, I was reading on the website of the meds that after a while you start to get hungry again...Surely I am not use to them already??? I took it at 7:30am and its 11:00 Thats not long, I wonder if I am just not eating enough??? could that be the reason for it?? Well Heathers baby shower is in an hour, there will be lots of food there, I want to eat BUT I want to be careful that I dont intake all my calories at one time...I will update you on that situation this afternoon...I think I may call over and speak with anurse about the hunger feelings...Be back later

Cold crisp morning

wow what a morning...I just hope today is better then last night or yesterday period for that matter, I had alot of extra drama but, Its a new day, I am positive...and will stay that way..Upon checking my e-mail I noticed that I have been getting alot of support BUT mostly from people who don't even know me wow sad huh when you have a family as big as mine..I was reading an article that wow...really hit home...It was about family and support but..Like I have said from the beginning I don'r care what happend or who feels it is a BAD thing..I am doing what makes me happy and I think thats the most important thing I could do...It is about MY body, my life and thats important to me...

This morning was beautiful as it always is at my house, I did forget and leave my plant outside last night so, It is probabily gonna die :( It was really cold this am BUT for those who don't know...Thats My VERY favorite weather...so it was ok I warmly welcomed the change I have a Baby shower to attend this morning for a co worker so hopefully that will help make my day a lil brighter as she is a sweet girl and deserves the gifts for the lil one..I think she will be excited and I live to see people smile....TTYL