well I tell you one thing I am so sick of feeling used..I stay so very lonely and at times its unbarable. I am married and although I love him, I know he is not with me for "Love" he uses me and I know that he is just not in love with me..no matter what I refuse to force myself on him so I just go about my way and pretend all is well..as hard as that is..I do it..I wish he could see that he is hurting me..and I know even if he did know..he wouldnt even care..He is very cold and has so much anger..enough about that..My diet..I guess I have done Ok however, when I went over to my mother in laws and got on her scales I noticed it was in the same spot as last week..I would have thought I lost at least a couple pounds but..Ohh well I only can do so much..I mean I am eating right..of course I have my days...just like anyone else struggling with food issues..but for the most part I know I want it bad enough and will do what it takes to make it happen.
I cleaned house today until my back feels really bad..I think alot has to do with the amount of stress I am under...I am jobless, with a man that does not love me & I am not happy with my body as far as weight, hair looksin general...OMG I guess I am rambling bout the same crap...I guess I just never seen my life this way..I have the will power to make things happen..yet there not and I just dont know where I am going wrong...I guess I will jump in the shower and ponder on tha...
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