What if tomarrow never came??

Ok well as I figured this divorce is going to be harder then I thought, basically it is like this...Either I make a decision to let go or ruin my life. I have (in the past) always made the wrong decisions and now that I am an adult its time for me to stand up and make a couple that involves what I want. I have been extremely down and depressed, I blamed it on the holidays, then my cold I have had, then the stress of my job now...I think I am seriously "Depressed" crying alot, forgetfulness, not staying focused, staying sleepy, mood changes, withdrawn and not wanting to do anything but work..I am a medical major ( although I don't practice) so I have studied depression and feel I have it. I was trying to remember when I was young I went through a situation where I had to be evaluated, and they said I had " Border line personality disorder " I remember when I was in college I studied it, intensely and wanted to see if I possessed the characteristics that I should if I had this disorder, some were a yes and some were a no BUT I did notice that Depression was part of it.
anyway..that's whats on my mine..Last night was hard, really hard. I don't think that I have been as miserable in a long time, taking a shower I cried through it...I mean it was bad I ate really good..but I did have to force myself to eat healthy.
This morning when I woke I still felt as bad, like I had not even been asleep, I refused to give details but Michael and I got into a huge fight and he punch "Another" hold in my wall and called me every name he could think of, I don't understand how I could have married a man like this, I don't love him Honestly I don't even know who he is. I try to pretend he is someone I love but, I am just not in love with him. I Think the only reason he has been there this long is because I was scared of never finding anyone to love me. I am such a family type person, I went from having three kids to none in the blink of an eye, I was lonely and scared. This man has never even bought me a gift "Himself" he has never made me feel like I am #1 or never truly"made love" with me, what he has done is made me hate myself, made me wish I was not even alive, made me insecure & miserable. People have ask me for years, well why do you put up with it? Ok well I could give a few reasons but unless you knew what I have been through in my life you would see how scared I am to live it. weight loss is the only thing that has kept me focused, my animals are my life. I feel like Michael robs me of my joy and robs me of what I want out of life, its hurts like hell to know that I have wasted years of my life, I means YEARS being unhappy and all because I am a coward. Divorce...sure I want a Divorce But I want "me" back more then anything. I want to do the things I enjoy, listen to what I want to, and make the best of what time I have left on this earth, I have thought many times about that song.."If tomorrow never comes" just this statement alone makes you think, what if tomorrow never came???