my one nightmare

I feel so totally sick...I have cried until tears are no long there and I feel completely numb inside. My heart aches and I just don't know what to do right now, It seems I am walking around and breathing yet not even living...I can not think about anything but him and the pain he is in, the heartache he must be feeling to have to leave his family, knowing that with every breathe he takes he is dying. I do not want to be selfish but, I don't want to not give him a chance. I see and believe it or not feel his pain, its sorta like a child, I feel his emotions..and I know he knows I love him. Sunday night when he looked at me I cried because I could see his misery. I am so lost and feel so alone in this. Michael is there and I hear him talking and I may even answer but feel almost dead like inside. I am not sure if I am suppose to feel this way and feel sorta silly that I am dealing with such depression over a dog. Not that I think he is "just a dog" to me, I fell like I have lost a part of my family. I am so attached to him and love him so very much. I think it is a mixture of emotions thats causing the depression and sleep loss. I am struggling daily to keep myself movated and going. I just don't know what to do...I am confussed and feel I have went the wrong way to many times. I am scared of making a decison I will regret in the long run. anyway..
If anybody even reads this.. My dog has Parvo and is dying & I feel I am to blame. anyone who truely knows me, knows this is something that will emotionally destroy me. I am strong yet weak when it comes to someone or something I truely Love. My one nightmare is to have to watch him die slowly and wonder if theres something more I could do to ease his pain and suffering. When should I let go and where do I go when I feel there is no where to run...