It will be a Miracle!

Well again I find my self in a screwed up position, I wish that I could get ahold of myself and deal with things before they get worse. I am in a Job that may not last, with a husband that don't love me and my mental illness is out of control NOT to mention I have gained more weight then I ever have..I am sooo worried that I won't make it. Just tired of trying to make everyone else happy. I am am NOT happy with my life right now...I am starting to feel the loneless that I am so custom to. I want a good healthy marriage, I want a FAMILY meaning a child to call my own, I want to lose weight, I dont want to NEED medicine BUT it seems things are not working out that way! I just dont know HOW to change things...truthfully I want to change but HOW? people give me there opnions and I WISH I was strong enough to do all the things they say I should But I can't I am truthfully not strong enough.

Mothers day is coming up and I am taking my mom out to eat, I am hoping that give me a lil time away with someone different but shes always tried to give me her opinion to so I won't even bring michael up so I don't have to hear it. I pray that time will heal mt life but I just don't see it...I went through 10 years of HELL and then I meet someone went through years of hell now just someone else to do the same thing....I am sooo Stress out I hope I can get some peace in my heart at some point, all I want is to find that "peace" that I am looking for with someone who love me for the person I am and who respects me for the things I have been through, that's interested in the same things I am and whose looking for the same things out of life that I am. Someone willing to share responsibilities and who wants something out of life. That will be a miracle I am sure but thats what I am looking for....

No body said it would be easy but its been a rough road will millions of bumps and I want a smooth road at some point one I can remember.