Ate w/ Mom, Healthy of course

Well..went to luch with mom, was GREAT..enjoyed seeing her and she seem to be in great spritits..I even had her eating Healthy tilapia, with a piece of Corn, saved my salad, one bite of bread and water with LOTS of lemon!!!..I walk extremely fast to get to my car ~ Not to go just to get my heart pumping...and it did, must have been entertaining to the rest of the parking lot but, made me feel better, I done the same when I returned.. I Read somewhere to do thing differently, change your pattern and you will get some exercise..like park futher away from the building..stuff like that...It does make you feel much better..
Funny how things get back to you, heard a few things from mom that was interesting about Thanksgiving...I just hope things go well, I hate people not getting along during the holidays..which remind me...I need to find some doggy outfits for Christmas pictures..which it was just me and them..but you know how that goes...well guess I better pretend I am working...

Monday Morning..

Ok For Starters I will say this...I think I might have ate over my 1200 calories yesterday, I am not sure but I ate..Lunch Hotdog ( YES I know I know... ) anyway moving along Dinner...I ate a Chiken wrap with Lettuce, and a Fruit and walnut salad...and Last night for some un known reason I was STARVINGGG soo I went down to walgreens @ 9:00 at night and bought HEALTHY Trail mix (200 Calories) I think That might have been what threw me over the 1200 calories but I am not sure...I know that yesterday seem to drag on and drag on..I cleaned the house, done laundry and mainly read. (Both a Mag & The internet)

I did however find out that I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year for Both familys which makes me a lil nervious..I am extremely nervious about this...#1 because I can NOT stand Michaels family, they always seem to have something bad to say, I am sure they will find fault in the meal, #2 because I would like to think I can control my eating on that day BUT, it is Thanksgiving dinner (which mind you has always been my VERY favorite holiday, mainly because of the food) so I am not sure how this will turn out...I know that I have made the decision to "Take it one day at a time" and leave room for a few mistakes along the way...Holidays are a bad time for this...BUT I will do it...

As far as the meds go...Like i said...I did find myself a lil hungry last night which concerned me..BUT I did sleep better last night, without waking up...This morning I felt a lil more tired then I have in the past week...I decided that I would wait until I got to work to take my medicine..I had leg cramps all morning and not sure if they can be linked...

I did get a Post this morning on my blog which I was happy about...The main reason that makes me happy is I am finding more and more people that understand what I am going through...more then I thought..I love reading their journeys. I see that other people are in a struggle as well and that helps me know that I am not totally alone in this battle. Life is hard but when you add the extras in there sometimes it seems to get harder...My first FULL week will be tomarrow!!!!

Climb the Mountain...

Climb The Mountain

I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow's attempt.I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it's majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.He stopped me and said, "I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress.""I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn't make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die."" The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed, stop! I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now. Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN.""I have to be going," my friend said. "Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?"I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, "I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB.

"Author unknown"

MY First weekend On my diet..

Well I think I have done AWSOME, My mom wrote me a letter of concern about my diet and I responded, I would LIke to show EVERYONE how strong this is making me, I felt better having someone to listen to me, its my true feelings from my heart..

This is her letter:

you have to be good to yourself-don't beat yourself up if it does not go as fast as you want it to- the slower you lose it, the longer it will stay off-I am glad you are doing good on it- just be careful not to put your body in a lot of stress-you will feel better with less weight and feel better about yourself- you will feel beau-ty-full...........I loved that bar thing you gave me-I eat one of those kinds of things about 9-10 every morning- or some kind of snack-hunger strikes about that time-I love the energy bars and some of them seem to work well- kinda expensive though- I love the Ensure but, it is real high in calories but....... it is to help one maintain their weight or help gain weight-I don't need them anymore-menopause is taking care of all of that-you do not want to be over weight when you get to menopause age-----because it causes you to gain then one would really be in a mess- to much fat around the heart causes a lot of problems---KILLS
I get worried when I see one getting bigger&bigger because I know how Mom had to suffer with all of that mess-she was miserable- but she had high blood pressure so they would not let her have diet meds plus she was very diabetic- was going to have to go on the shots, but died the month before the shots were to start- so just be careful with all that whole situation-

MY Response:

I am not losing weight to be "Skinny" I am losing weight to feel better, I have gain and gained and it has gotten out of control, I am training my self that everything is not fee game ( Snacks) I should have started this long ago but, it is a Hard and depression to start...I have done great, its kind of like an drug addict, you have to take it one day at a time, and that's the way I am looking at it. I guess the Pills did give me a jump start but they work great and assist in helping me deal with the "hunger" part of it, I have NO systems from them EXCEPT I feel better, like I have more energy...and they work in controlling the Food Cravings..I am diabetic and don't need ANYTHING sweet anyway and what I like about them is they STOP COMPLETELY the craving for SWEET foods....That's what I needed...Now that I am "paying for the pills, I try harder because you don't wanna waste money. I am getting my calories in by drinking slim fast, I have to MAKE myself eat sometimes but that's good because I eat less in portion size...you know ..LIKE OK for example : I use to go to McDonalds couldn't help but get a fry if nothing else BUT now...Michael ate there the other night and I got NOTHING I came home and ate a soup..I felt SOOOO much better...Then another example we went to Shoneys Friday night, Michael OF COURSE got the bar, JUST as I ALWAYS did BUT instead..I got the Veggie bar and ate only 3 veggies in small portions and ate a Healthy small ( VERY lil NON fat Dressing ) salad..soo see..I am NOT starving myself, just eating Healthier and paying attention to details that I normally don't...I know people are against The medication to help but in my mind, which that is all it is...I NEED assistance with then med's, and it is working, Its making Me "think" before just grabbing ONE LIL BITE that normally I would think wouldn't count. I am 32 and 5'1 and weigh 180, thats NOT healthy...see what I mean..

I get NO support from Michael at all, BUT I don't care what he says..I am doing this and him not giving me support makes me want it more because it shows me he don't want me to be happy and I will do what it takes to be Happy and Healthy. If he don't want me to have it I will do it no matter what lol...sooo That's the story on that, I am keeping an online food journal, If anyone is interested in the outcome...I have friends online going through the same thing..so that helps...Yeah it would be easier if I had people to in courage me BUT I am not doing t for People I am doing it for me and to help me have a brighter future and not be so down on myself...I DO still have BAD days where I feel like I can't do it BUT, I will deal with it ONE day at a time.

I just want HEATHY habits ya know...Like when I stop taking the medication, which I will I want to eat the same as I am now so I can KEEP the weight off...

Now see your lil girl is growing up..I promise..

Love U and Hope we get out and do something this weekend...

Jenna

I Think I said everything I wanted to say...Friday I done GREAT even after I left work..We went to Shoneys and Even though I normally get the Bar, I decided against it and got a salad and Veggies, I Drank TWO HUGE glasses of water with lemon and called it a night..NOW Saturday I don't think I wold call this GOOD BUT, I Was not hungry all day, I MADE myself eat a half a soup...SOO Thats not good that i did not get my nutritons in but last night I decided that I can't do that so i went to walmart and bought Two baoxes of Slim Fast and some nutrition Bars that are only 90 calories and some yogert, that way when I am NOT hungry and I have to make myself eat, It will be something that will be nurtitious and all that...soo That was Saturday, it is now Earily Sunday morning, I ave took my medicine and I am not hungry so I have not ate...

As far as symptions, I have not really had any, I do have dry mouth alot but that makes you drink more water and I did sleep last night sooo...I guess I can say so far GOOD things

Update "Lunch" 12:43

Not really hungry soo I ate a Yogert..Hummm..this is weird..Called the clinic, Talk to them about taking the injections...I wanted to do exactly what they do, She said they are designed to take the inches off and they break up the fat tissue..hummm wonder if that really works...I might google it and see if I can read anything on it...Interesting, It makes me wanna do it....

wow More people then I thought...

I found out that my landlords Mother is taking this and has lost alot of weight, she even said she has not changed her eating habits, I do not understand that being that you can not take the pill forever so what happens when you stop taking it??? see makes no sense...Ok my Food intake...Lunch yesterday I ate a salad, it was with Olive Oil and a tiny bit of salt, it was pretty small considering I normally eat way more then that. I ate a yogart for a snack, it was ok and pretty low in calories, for Dinner...I went to Captain D's I ate Chicken and shrimp, a corn on the cob and a small pieve of bread, Drank Only water, I did get hungry later on and decided that I would eat a salad...Dressing was Fat free Itilian, that was around 9pm.
As far as the way I feel...I know one thing I doo not like breaking them up..I feel much better today and for some reason it helps me more to take it whole...NOt sure why that is...No exercise at all and I know thats not going to help me any. I plan on walking through a community sale this weekend and that will get some in..I noticed I have so much more energy now that I am not stuffing myself full...I still have stress on me which does not help either...I am not sure what is going on at work and I have bills due...its just hard when you get no supposrt from your husband...he ate a soup last night and was trying to convience me that it was healthy, of course I knew better and I felt better about myself by NOT falling into the trap...I noticed I could not go to sleep again but got up easily. I have not ate anything yet and it is 11:22am I don't plan on eating until later on, I have no idea what i will eat but I find that I normally don't like meat..its weird, well I better get back to work...

Good Morning ~ 2nd day

I decided that I would take My pills in half just to see what the difference was...A HUGE difference....#1 I did feel hungry this am which is weird...But I did not eat...after a few minutes the hungry feeling went away?? Its kind of weird...LAST night I felt GREAT all night, went to bed late yet woke up this am feeling refreshed, it diff makes me feel "Good" Not drugged up good, just good..kind of like prozac made me feel many years ago when I took it...as for Eating...At Luch yesterday I ate an order of cooked cabage, yesterday after work, A Hot dog (with everything ) and about 8 Fries and the BAD BAD BAD part...I had a Arbys melt about 3 hrs before bed...We will see, I know I stay VERY thirsty....