Good Morning

wow, got a Huge letter from mom this morning was very interesting and I enjoyed some of the things she had to say really gave me some strengh to start a new day...

MOM:
I hear that once a person stops they tend to eat more, then they also have to diet- I am not quiet ready but once I do get ready I will need some extra prayers! This is a 35 year old habit-----but as with you, if we set our minds to it-we can move a mountain-with a lot of help from above and each other- I love you Jennifer, I know I don't say that not near as much as I need to but always know that you are my life and I love you with all of my heart.

See why I love her :) anyway the morning so far is fine although it is earily yet and he is still in bed, I hope to go walking to today and enjoy this beautiful Saturday..We will see...

UPSET, MISERABLE and 500 calories for The day..

Well as soon as I got off work my hell begin, went and picked Michael up from his Mothers, which I don't really care for anyway..He was in an Ok mood I assume so on the way Home, I said I am a lil hungry..what have I ate?? You know just talking to myself, well those of you that read my entry's know I only ate a Fiber bar and a small amount of tuna on lettuce and of course WATER, sooo I was Ohh yeah I hate that Fiber bar, He start going off on me telling me how dumb I was, I didn't know how to diet that when and IF I lost it I would gain it back because i was to stupid to do it the right way, I assume his way is to EAT ANY and EVERYTHING...Finally we got to Subway and I thought, I am sure I can find something Healthy there soo, I grabbed the Calorie guide and the girl behind the counter was talking about things that other people eat that's healthy and I mentioned what I ate, just having a normal conversation...WELL...In the mean time he is getting a Terrijo something sub.. and these two young pretty girls walk in, He starts looking at me crazy, basically telling me to shut up about the diet...as we walk out he looks the girl up and down, I simply said, It won't be long and men will look at me that way...I mean Here I am, Struggling and he is saying just get something damn...

Anyway on the way home I cried all the way of course, while he went on and on about how he is not dumb he knows how to diet and that the ONLY reason he was a lil heavy is because he was "Depressed" i wanted to say you know what, ME TOO!! (Because of YOU) BUT, I didn't however I did tell him that he did not support me in any way and I did not need him to tell me a bunch of bull that he knows NOTHING about...

This is the kind of stuff I am dealing with here, and people wonder why the heck I say I am in an UNHAPPY marriage, Just as I told him..I WILL NOT give up, I will do it without him or anyone...
This is extremely stressful on me...I have cried until I am miserable sick..I mean I want to lose weight, I want to feel beautiful and I know I am FAT, I know I am ...I know I am very unhealthy and I know he is using me and that's the only reason he is here, I am not blind...He is always looking at women and flirting and all that but I just pretend I don't see it..because just simply put, I most of the time just don't care...I am so depressed and miserable and just mad at myself...Just in a crazy mood...I feel like I should give up...But I won't...I am stronger then that...I will NOT allow him to bring me to his level...

Now I may be a lil upset at how I ate today...NOT GOOD...NOT good at all...You know what I ate for lunch but dinner is worse...I ONLY ate a half of a half turkey w/ lettuce sub..Like not even a fourth of it because I was so upset, I told him he could have it and believe me..he ate it. I probably didn't eat but 500 calories if that...I am EXTREMELY upset with myself and want to cry more and more...I can not believe after two weeks of keeping positive and focused, I allowed him and allowed myself to get like this...I don't know why but, somehow I am treating the food as if it is my enemy..like I shouldn't eat...I took my medicine late so I am thinking maybe that's why i have not been hungry....either way I done BAD and I am aware of it.Tomorrow is a new day and I will make it a good day, I am going to go walking tomorrow...Maybe at a track I am not sure yet but, i want this so badly that I am going to do it...I want to be a HEALTHY weight and I want so badly to pretend my husband does not exist.
I Hope everyone else night was better then mine...
Jenna

OMG whatta Morning

OK so, we all know mu husband is a ...Jack&%#* OK so now that, that's otta tha way, I will tell you about my morning...OK I woke up, so did he..I got up, sooo did he, I got Dressed..AND so did he so at this point I was like OK whats the catch, why you up (He don't have a job sooo GOD knows he wasn't headed in that direction) soo he decides that he was taking me to work this morning...I assume to waste all the gas he can since it is $3 a gallon and we drive an expedition and I drive 38 miles to work...OK now that that is out of my system...
Lets start over, I woke up feeling fine again..ever since I started taking this medication I feel Ok in the mornings which is a change because I use to be sooo grumpy in the mornings, I decided that I would "TRY" not taking the medicine just to see what would happen or how I would feel, Basically to see if that's whats controlling my appetite...OK Its 8:40 and I feel fine, Not hungry, I don't feel bad or anything so I am wondering if the pill is even as strong as the DR says it is??? Wouldn't I experience some kind of symptoms if it were that strong? anyway..I will be taking it in the next lil bit...I did bring my fiber bar with me today but other then that I did not "bring" a lunch so we will think about what I am having closer to that time.

I got a Great Idea from Colette...cook my husband brownies...GREAT idea...make sure I make them with extra of whatever will make him pooo all night..lol Thanks adding me Colette your one special woman...

Well That's my morning news....Be back later..Ohh Movation..

Success Is A Matter Of ExpectationWhen you believe something good can happen, it does.In order to succeed, you must first expect to succeed.If you want to succeed beyond your wildest expectations,begin with some wild expectations. Set your goals high.When you expect things to happen, strangely enough, they do happen.Expectation energizes your goals and gives them momentum.The dreams you choose to believe in come to be.


OK LUNCH 1:00pm

I am just eating lunch OR should I say trying to...I ate the Fiber one bar at 10:00 and I guess it filled me up because NOW I am not hungry, I walked into the dinning room THREE times before FINALLY saying "Ok Jennifer YOU HAVE TO GET SOMETHING" soooo I decided on a Small (half a reguler order) of Tuna Salad, on a piece of lettace & a half a sliced pickle...I am still eating on it, each bit I take makes me not want the next bit...LORD, I am JUST NOT HUNGERY..OK I feel better ha haha Well at Lunch I had to RUN to the bank lol I mean I started running through the parking lot again...ha ha I always get to the car and I am worn out because I feel like I am soo BIG and everything on my bodys moving..seems like after I turned 30 ( I am now 32 ) but after I turned 30 things started going down hill lol I gained a huge amount of weight, gravity hit my body like a mack truck, emotions started running wild..and I married a Jack*&^% Ha hawhat in the world was I thinking ...anyway Guess I will finish off this Tuna if I can..Have a Great Day ~ I have been reading the BEST blogs :)

Night again...

Came home to silence, YESSS It was Nice VERRRYYY Nice, My husband was out with his mother eating, I later found out a $50 meal!!! OMG I was like what did you eat and here he comes with a to go box of Food! YES I mean a WHOLE BOX of steak, peppers onions, rice, re fried beans...I was like the heck..you know I am on a diet AND I don't eat after 8pm...Ohhhhe just thought I was CRAZYYY. I was proud that I turned it down, I decided that instead of focusing on the food being in the house I would go o Walmart and take a friends advice (Thanks Colette) and bought some fiber 1, I did not eat one I was buying them for work tomorrow. For dinner I ate two chicken crescents that were left over from the baby shower...I KNOW I should have ate more..BUT I have been extremely sick...Just feeling like crap...sooo anyway I didn't even get hungry until after 8pm, I am trying not to fall into the temptation of eating after 8pm, I have to be very strict about that because THAT and fast foods were my down fall.

OHHH Btw while at walmart not only did my husband eat a huge meal at Cancun's, He got a box of cereal and milk and ate a HUGE bowl of it saying honey how many calories do you think this is..O My Goodness I decided to check for 11 pieces, it was 110 calories and he ate like ALOT...WOW BADDDD...He was basically poking fun because I am always counting calories making sure not to go over 1200..he is such an pain, I was so excited knowing he wouldn't be home...Thats really sad huh?

Tomorrow he is spending the day at his Moms, Thank god for small miracles..Good night

Met someone new..who understands

Lunch ~How can I describe it...OK VERYYY lil well..Not that I wasn't hungry because I have been for some unknown reason and have the worse headache ever, I ate some fresh veggies..lil carrots, Brock & cauliflower...and I ate a 90 calorie special K bar, I went to the dining room, stood there looking really crazy at the food all I could think about was wow, they must know I am on a diet and they decided to help me out..It looked that BAD soo I decided my lunch was over..I could have ate a chicken wrap or something healthy like that but, just wasn't in the mood...I took the other half of my pill and decided that I would eat maybe a Yogurt Later on in the day.

I have chatting Via e-mail with a couple of AW SOME women, who offer alot of support and suggestions and I just me them yet I feel like I know them..Colette (Confessions of a Chinese Food addict) Is a Great person and I can will be a Great support system, she is very smart and seems to know what shes talking about...when I started chatting with her this morning, I was like wow someone to talk to, that understands..does not judge AND offers suggestions and MOST of all support...Just an example...Read this letter..

hahaha I know what ya mean! I traded my food addiction for blogging addiction...LOL
Glad you are reading the blogs. They will give you lots of insight too!

OK I just got done reading ALL your post from the first one til today and I want to say...
1.) your mom is amazing and you so lucky to have her behind you. me and my mom don't really get along since I found my dad 10 years ago...long story that would make a great OPRAH show!! lol
2.) Your not eating enough through out the day that is why your hungry. You need to eat more fiber! Fiber will fill you up and keep you from feeling hungry. So eat those "Fiber One" bars, they are in the cereal aisle at the grocery, apples, popcorn and anything high in fiber! When you think your hungry...drink crystal light or water! Also you need to eat every 3 hours... this will keep you from getting so famished!! And will help you have control as well as keep your blood sugar levels from dipping and spiking!!
3.) I agree with something you said, the pills help control the hunger but you have to be able to eat a balanced low fat diet after you get off the pills because you can't stay on them forever so now is the time to read, gather info and try some great WW recipes to get prepared for when you come off the meds!!!
4.) walk, walk and walk. A friend of mine I walk with lost 65 pounds just by walking...no change in her diet!! Exercise will make you feel better, sleep better and i bet the dogs would love some one on one " mommy time"

You will find all the ladies are very supportive and I can't imagne not having their support!!! Your doing a great job, keep up the good work.
TTYL,
Colette

I read this and was almost in tears that someone cared enough to read all my journal entry's! It meant so much and gave me the feeling someone out there REALLY cares...It was an amazing feeling. I have a few others that have been reading as well..Alex is great and is always right on top of my new post..I just want to say Thanks to all of you...
Well Mom called me during lunch JUST to ask what I had for lunch...That was so sweet of her..she has her days ha ha
My Co Worker Mickey left for lunch and it seem different being in our liloffice alone..kind of weird..The headache is starting to wear off and I better get some work done for the day...I will of course be back...

Late morning..

Ok Good morning, I am writing later then normal...I had other things to do this morning on the computer soo here I am at work 8:48am. First I decided to try to split my pill again...I know it did not work well the first time but I think I wanted to try it again and just see if it would do better, truthfully..NO its not But, I will use self controlled and discipline and see how it goes.. I am thinking maybe my body is getting adjusted to it..either way I am not going to give in to it...

Read a Great article this morning and of course I will share...

How To Eat The Right Fats
While the role of fat has been established, its dietary role is a different matter entirely. While eating fat won't directly lead to fat storage, it does need to be considered that the body is more efficient at converting dietary fat into stored fat than carbohydrates and protein.
Eating a fatty food does not necessarily mean it will all be stored as fat. A principle that does remain true is that 1 gram of fat is equal to about 9 calories, which is more than double the number of calories found in either carbohydrates or protein (about 4 calories for both).
So, this too gives us a reason to be aware of our fat intake and while there are differing opinions on how much fat is to be eaten, most would say that between 20-30% of your daily caloric intake should come from fats.
Most of these fats should come from unsaturated fats instead of saturated fats. Although it is best to avoid saturated fats, there is one fat of the heart-healthier polyunsaturated kind that needs to be avoided: trans fats.
Trans fats, or trans fatty acids, is a term used to describe the process used to alter the chemical structure of a normally softer, polyunsaturated fat so that it becomes a harder, more saturated fat.
Why you should avoid trans-fats:
Now the reasons as to why we should avoid trans fats are well documented these days. When you eat trans-fats you are putting yourself at risk for:
Type II diabetes
Coronary heart disease
Stroke
And now, the GOOD Fats:
At the opposite end of the fat spectrum lie several, more beneficial groups of fats. These are the unsaturated fats, more specifically called monounsaturated and polyunsaturated, and they include...

This is a very informative article..I enjoyed it very much. Heather got the pictures and loved them, she even appreciated the cupcake picture..lol
After sleeping on what happen with Thanksgiving last night, I still have not made a final decision. I have not ate anything this morning and prob bally won't until lunch.
Chat with you then...

Sharing Pictures before bed

OK would this not temp you too?? I just LOVED this lil cup cake BUT, BUT I DID NOT eat one...I did bring one home to my husband...I thought it was cute as can be...Tonight well has been like most nights...at my house, not alot different...I ate very little this afternoon as I felt guilty about all I ate today so I didn't eat much tonight..OK On a Happier Note the Baby Shower was fun This is Heather & DianeThis is Heather, the Preggy..It was Really nice to see everyone smiling and having fun and not so serious all the time. Heathers baby will be here soon and her whole life will change..I know shes excited but so scared. I think she will be a GREAT mother to her lil boy.

This is my Co-worker and I guess you could say friend, Micky
He is the one that kind of keep me in line, ha ha He is a Funny person and turned out being great...we are completely opposite but seem to find things to chat about. Well I was basicly Sharing pictures with you...Tonight was a little disappointed as I have decided NOT to cook Thanksgiving Dinner, Its a long story but feel thats the best thing to do..I guess that will cut down on the calories huh? I think I will find a nice place to go eat. Things here get worse BUT I still carry my smile..
Nighty night...